It seems that this world is hungry for real. Why do you think people find "real" so refreshing? Why is it so hard to be real? I think there are lots of answers to that question. As Christians I think we often struggle with being really real because we have this notion that God is/was going to fix it all. We believed that somehow being a christian gave us a supernatural edge. A way to dodge the bullets of fate. Admit it, on some level we have believed that. We believed that if we prayed hard enough, fasted, intercessed, that it would give us the answer we sought. We would be healed. We would be miraculously lifted out of our desperation. God would miraculously intervene. Don't get me wrong, I do believe we should pray, fast, war for what we want God to do and I do believe that sometimes we get what we want. But, what if getting what we want is not what it's about? What if God allows the bad so it will drive us to him? I believe that at some point along the way Tom wanted to go home. I wanted him to stay. I begged for him to stay. I travailed, but to what end? So that he could live another 30-40 years in this world with all of it's suffering, only to die in the end anyway. How silly that we should even ask for more time here really. We still have the basic belief deep down in our soul that this predictable life is it. That this predictable world is better than the next. If we could really grasp what is ahead we would be begging God to take us now.
Back to "real". All across the US right now there are Occupy Wall Street protests going on. What theses people want is a reality check. They want honesty. Integrity. They each have a different agenda but the theme is the same. They want to be able to trust our government to represent the people. They want to be able to believe what comes out of our mouths. In many ways we individually do not lead authentic lives. We paint a pretty picture of ourselves for the world to see. We often paint it under the guise of our faith. Our belief that God is good and we are somehow special and deserve special treatment from the God of the universe. How incredibly arrogant of us. If truth be told God is probably more concerned about the welfare of the unsaved than he is about us because he knows where we are going. Non believers are not fooled by our spiritual arrogance. They can see through it better than we can see ourselves. They know we hurt and suffer just like they do and they realize that God is not some sort of magic that takes it all away. They also wonder why we don't swear at this life. Why we don't share our heartache openly. Do we feel that in sharing the bad and the ugly that it somehow shows a lack of faith or trust in God? I'm not really sure why but in all honesty we often don't share how very real and painful this life is. And they are hungry for the truth. Not the candy coated cliches we are accustomed to giving but the real, ugly truth. Some of the most comforting things said to me have been the depths of other widows grief years later. I need to know that I won't wake up one day soon and it will be gone. I need to know that when I wake up one day in the future and the pain is still there, that my pain is real and normal and other christian women are feeling this same pain still. Nothing could be worse than telling our children that tomorrow we are going to go to Disneyland and surprise, we really are not going at all. People deserve our truth. People deserve for us to be real. They deserve to know that God does not always fix it but that His presence is always there. Walking the valley floor with us. Let us use our suffering to drive us to Him. Maybe that was the real purpose anyway. To drive us to Him. So, next time you are given the opportunity to be real, tell the truth. No cliche's, just the honest truth. Let the world see that we are really no different than they are. We bleed just like they do. The only real difference is that we know our final destination and the God of the universe walks with us in our suffering.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him/ who have been called according to his purpose.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
All is Grace
In my last blog I talked about the difficulties of parenting adults alone and how much harder it seems without Tom. Many of my posts have been about how hard this all is. That has been my new reality however I wanted to post another insight.
I have had great difficulty motivating my boys to actually help me out. They never initiate doing anything unless I light a fire under them or unless it will somehow benefit them in some way. And yes, never is not an exaggeration. My sister and I have talked at length about this and she has come over and in her very gentle way tried to roust them up to help to no avail. They will help for a few minutes but seem to spend more time "putting something away" or getting a drink or going to the bathroom then is necessary therefore avoiding the work. But on Sunday Steve showed up at the crack of noon, which the boys all swore was the crack of dawn, and made them help him clean our garage. So, I am not really alone in this parenting after all. Steve was my reinforcement and they actually worked for him. Not as hard as either of us would have liked but they weren't about to complain to him. I can now park both cars in the garage and walk around each car. Heaven! It did more for my heart than a clean garage could ever do. As I have stated before, parenting adults is it's own sort of unique. I much prefer the days of dealing with lying or a smart mouth or sibling fighting. Adult problems are much harder to deal with and I am constantly trying to figure out what is a kid who is hurting because his dad died and a kid who just wants to do his own thing. Not easy.
But I have reinforcements. Steve met with Jordan this week to work on an exit strategy. How does he get his ducks in a row so he can be able to afford living on his own? They are coming up with a plan and for now I can be the mom and not the landlord. One thing you may not know about Steve is that his dad died when he was about the same age as Jesse so he totally gets where they are.
I honestly do not know what I would have done without Steve and Sara these last 2 years. Steve took care of everything financial the entire Tom was sick so I could focus on Tom. Sara pretty much gave up her life for those 15 months to help. She became Tom's second wife. He sooo loved her and I was so grateful that I had someone I could leave him with that he felt safe and comfortable with. Part of brain cancer is that they can not remember things and he would get very anxious if I was not around because he felt like he then needed to remember but he did not feel that way with either Sara or Tom's sister Susan. He knew he was safe and they knew what to do.
One of the challenges with having an anxiety disorder (me) is that we tend to catastrophize. We take things to their most catastrophic conclusion. The sky is falling, the sky is falling! But God continues to show me that He has our back. He has a plan and he has taken care of the details. It is very reassuring.
So, to those of you have been God with skin on in my life, a million thank you's. You help me keep getting out of bed each day. You help me feel like together we will get these boys raised and I will do the best I can with your help. I see God in your gestures no matter how small.
There is goodness in this dry and weary land. All is grace!
I have had great difficulty motivating my boys to actually help me out. They never initiate doing anything unless I light a fire under them or unless it will somehow benefit them in some way. And yes, never is not an exaggeration. My sister and I have talked at length about this and she has come over and in her very gentle way tried to roust them up to help to no avail. They will help for a few minutes but seem to spend more time "putting something away" or getting a drink or going to the bathroom then is necessary therefore avoiding the work. But on Sunday Steve showed up at the crack of noon, which the boys all swore was the crack of dawn, and made them help him clean our garage. So, I am not really alone in this parenting after all. Steve was my reinforcement and they actually worked for him. Not as hard as either of us would have liked but they weren't about to complain to him. I can now park both cars in the garage and walk around each car. Heaven! It did more for my heart than a clean garage could ever do. As I have stated before, parenting adults is it's own sort of unique. I much prefer the days of dealing with lying or a smart mouth or sibling fighting. Adult problems are much harder to deal with and I am constantly trying to figure out what is a kid who is hurting because his dad died and a kid who just wants to do his own thing. Not easy.
But I have reinforcements. Steve met with Jordan this week to work on an exit strategy. How does he get his ducks in a row so he can be able to afford living on his own? They are coming up with a plan and for now I can be the mom and not the landlord. One thing you may not know about Steve is that his dad died when he was about the same age as Jesse so he totally gets where they are.
I honestly do not know what I would have done without Steve and Sara these last 2 years. Steve took care of everything financial the entire Tom was sick so I could focus on Tom. Sara pretty much gave up her life for those 15 months to help. She became Tom's second wife. He sooo loved her and I was so grateful that I had someone I could leave him with that he felt safe and comfortable with. Part of brain cancer is that they can not remember things and he would get very anxious if I was not around because he felt like he then needed to remember but he did not feel that way with either Sara or Tom's sister Susan. He knew he was safe and they knew what to do.
One of the challenges with having an anxiety disorder (me) is that we tend to catastrophize. We take things to their most catastrophic conclusion. The sky is falling, the sky is falling! But God continues to show me that He has our back. He has a plan and he has taken care of the details. It is very reassuring.
So, to those of you have been God with skin on in my life, a million thank you's. You help me keep getting out of bed each day. You help me feel like together we will get these boys raised and I will do the best I can with your help. I see God in your gestures no matter how small.
There is goodness in this dry and weary land. All is grace!
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