Even In This

    Sometimes I wonder what the point is to this life?  What is the point to this suffering?  Yes, yes, I know that suffering produces good fruit in our life but in the end we still die and eventually the memory of us fades so, why?  Why can't we just get saved and go be with Jesus?  Why can't we bypass all this pain?  I don't know the answer.  I do know though that pain is a great bridge builder to lost and hurting people.  It is a golden gateway to their heart.

     I have a friend who has led a pretty charmed life.  Great parents, great marriage, lot's of money and ease.  I am sincerely happy for her and often wish I could just live a year of that life, but.. she is not who I would go to with my pain.  It is like speaking a foreign language to her.  She doesn't know what to do with it.  She squirms and looks for opportunities to get back to the shallow, less painful.  I don't want to be that girl.

    It is an incredibly satisfying feeling to be able to tell those chemo patients, "I have been where you are".  When I share some of my pain from past hurts and struggles, deep depressions and panic attacks, people open their hearts and feel free to share their own pain.  In a way that makes my own suffering worth it.  Perhaps that is part of the plan.  Perhaps that is why we don't get our ticket straight to a life where pain does not exist.  Perhaps people need us and our life experiences, painful as they may be.

     I know this much is true - I appreciate this life so much more.  I see a wonderful world most days.  I cherish my friendships and family like never before.  I don't care if the toilet paper gets put on the right direction or if my son doesn't do the dishes the first time I ask.  My material stuff is just stuff to me now.  Yes, I have pain and it shows up at the most inopportune times, in the most unlikely circumstances, and often without warning or announcement.  Yes, it is painful and unfair and inconvenient.  Yes, I wish it were not so.  But, it is what it is and I am who I am because of it.  I am a deep well that has been dug out with a pick and a shovel but there is living water in here.  I wish it had been easier.  I wish happiness did not come at such a price.  But I want to be a deep well.  I want to be the person who "gets it".  I want to be able to lend hope and sooth anxiety and love the broken.  Somehow I don't think it is possible to do that well without a good dose of pain and suffering in our own lives.  It gives us legitimacy.  Embrace it.  Suck the lifeblood out of it.  Soak it in knowing that it is producing something wonderful in you.  If you don't embrace it, it will consume you.

You are so loved, even in this!