Last weekend I entered my first quilt to be judged. I had worked long and hard on this quilt, (you can see pictures on my facebook page). I started this quilt as Tom was entering the final leg of his trip home. I was spending 24 hours a day in our room with him so I set up my sewing machine and sewed as he slept. It kept me from complete despair. I sewed and ripped seams and re-sewed for 10 months. Long after Tom had gone home. It felt good to do something happy and productive. At times it got my mind off the total heartache. I call it my grief quilt. I made the quilt FOR show and for judging. Last weekend was my first competition and my hope was to win one first place ribbon. The show was 3 days and my mom and Steve and I had planned on going on Saturday after the ribbons had been hung to see how I did. One of my clients called me from the show and said he was standing in front of the quilt and I had won 4 first place ribbons. Four! No one else had won more than 2. I was thrilled.
When we went to the show I tried to stand around anonymously and just listen to what people were saying. There were fairly large crowds around my quilt. Crowds I did not see at any other quilt. It was a huge high for me. I have not had many highs in the past 3 years so I was relishing the moment.
My facebook account was inundated with congratulations that day.
The next day, Sunday, I completely fell apart. The missing had crept in. Tom was always SO proud of my work. So proud of me. It made me so sad not to be able to share this accomplishment with him. It makes me sad to not be able to share with him about Steve and how happy I feel right now.
It is just such a mixed bag some days. Great happiness mixed with deep sadness. I am trying to just ride the waves and not get too caught in any one place.
Tom was great at enjoying my successes. Going to quilt shows and shops was something he enjoyed with me. Probably because he was so proud of me. This was something I loved about him and something that made many other quilters envious. I was afraid this was something that I would never find again.
If you recall, when we had been told that Tom would not live, I heard God say as plain as day that my future was going to be greater than I could imagine. Well, Steve is just as proud of my accomplishments. He was fascinated with Fabric Depot and I had to drag HIM out of the store. Hmmm, isn't God good. Steve cheers me on and tells everyone how great I am. Isn't God good.
These days I am feeling a bit like I am in the midst of a God storm. A good God storm. So many good things are happening that I would have never dreamed of.
Truly He is a God of redemption. The God of second chances. In our deepest grief, when all seems lost and the dreams have died God promises that Sunday is coming and He will rise again. So much of it has to do with our focus. I choose to focus on the fact that He redeems. He rises again.
Happy Easter all!
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